Now I won’t lie to you and claim I’m the most confident and outgoing person on this planet, because that is definitely not the case.

It is easy to say I have had my fair share of times where I wished there was something I’d said differently, or approached a certain situation differently due to a lack of confidence.

But hey, we all get times like that, we all know that our Confidence can get in the way.

Being assertive has always been something that doesn’t come easy to me, but when I am, it really pays off. A lot of people may view me as shy and quiet. But there are others who have seen my confident and outgoing side. 

Assertiveness may come naturally to some people and it may be something that people learn to do with experience.

Either way, it is so so so important to learn the power of assertiveness, and to especially learn how important it is for you to be assertive.

I recently went to a talk on ‘The Power of Assertiveness’ at the Elle Weekender event, and there were some very inspirational words of empowerment from the speaker Amy Tez. So here are three things I have learnt about being assertive, and why they are so important.

1) What is assertiveness

As a short and sweet way of putting it, being assertive is having or portraying a confident and forceful personality.

Like me, if you sometimes find it difficult portraying confidence, then think of your life as a journey that is going from A to B. Throughout your journey you face conflicts, it is how you act when you approach these conflicts that matter. These wise words came from speaker Amy Tez. 

‘Assertiveness is the courage to act when you don’t know the answers’

In simpler terms, have confidence in standing up to your conflicts.

It is so easy to complain when you fail. If I’m honest we all do it, and I am so guilty of this. There may be times where you fail at something, so you throw a self-pity party and indulge in your favourite snacks and tv programmes- what a perfect excuse to be lazy eh?

I mean this can be okay, but remember to pick yourself up because failure is who you become along your journey, and if it wasn’t an option then how would we learn from our experiences and set-backs?

2) Confrontation

Right, confrontation.

Something that can be SO difficult to do.

We can get used to burying our heads in the sand and hiding from confrontation because we are scared of what people will think of us. But if you’re worried about losing people due to confrontation then were those people meant to be a part of your journey in the beginning?

Don’t expect to please everyone in your life, you will always come across people that you find difficult. But you have the right to confront people, and you have the right to say no. It is whether they respect your decision that matters.  

I was told that you can be the person in the way of your own dreams, because confrontation is about exploring and facing the things that scare us.

This could be anything like asking for a promotion or payrise from your boss- don’t feel bad, don’t apologise, and don’t say it is something you don’t deserve, unless of course you don’t actually deserve a payrise just yet…

Those are just weak habits we develop and coming across with assertiveness will also allow the person you are asking to reply with confidence.  If you ask with positivity and expect a good answer then it is easier to approach the topic with assertiveness.

3) Focus

Lastly, remember to stay focused on your dream- don’t feel disheartened by irrelevant comments people might make.

Don’t take things too personally.

Lisa didn’t like your new haircut?

Janice doesn’t approve of your new wallpaper?

So, what? You can’t please everyone!

Instead, I was told to gather intelligence and listen to those around you, this is how you will know who is actually on your side. Remember, you don’t need to win everybody over.