So, let me set the context of this post for you.

Last year was my first year at university, and despite having been on this planet for 20 years; I don’t think I have ever learnt more about friendship than in the past year.

I, like many, expected to make lifelong friends instantly, and to be so busy with them that I’d never have time to be upset about moving away from home.

Spoiler; it’s not actually like that. Well, not for everyone it isn’t anyway.

I for one did not experience that.

Instead, I went through some crazy ups and downs with friendships, relationships and with my emotions.

As much as I would hope that everyone feels happy, settled in and comfortable at university, I want people to know what it can be like for others, and hopefully this can help those in similar situations.

So today’s post is basically a little emotional outburst of what my first year of university has taught me about friendship and self-care.

PS all pictures are of my lovely friends 🙂

Making friends at university

I wouldn’t exactly say I am the expert when it comes to friendship, as you can probably see from above, but I do believe a friendship should bring something to your life.

However, this can be trickier to find as you get older.

Remember in playschool you would just sort of pick someone and claim them to be your friend?

You’d be like two peas in a pod, having that instant bond and running around the playground hand in hand.

Well as you get older, it can get tougher.

When you start university, you may make friends fast and settle in well, but it is completely normal to experience the opposite. Quite a lot of people watch others make fast friends and question why they haven’t.

For the first few months at university I was jumping from group to group. It felt as though no one was interested in being friends, or they just genuinely didn’t want to make any other friends than those they had already made.  

 This was difficult because it seemed like I was the only one experiencing this.

I believe that a friendship with someone should bring something into your life. This doesn’t mean you should be picky with who your friends are but make sure you are happy.

When I realised I should be doing this it was about four months into my first year.

 Four long months convincing myself I was happy when I wasn’t.

Usually you come to understand who your real friends are when you need them most, and that was when I realised who was there for me.

Big shocker, but not really anyone I had met at university.

I was very fortunate to have my friends and family from home to help me through the rough times.

And since then I told myself a big group of friends WAS NOT important. In no way was the friendship fulfilling. That is what I mean when I say a friendship should bring something to your life. It needs to be fulfilling to be a real friendship. If they aren’t making you happy then there will be other people out there that do.

I still don’t really know what it is people are drawn back from when being friends with me. It may be that I’m not as loud as them, or I’m too sensible, or it may be that we just aren’t compatible.

But if you are in a similar situation, don’t let it bother you as much as it did me. Comparing yourself to others can lower your confidence and self-esteem. Just because two people click instantly doesn’t mean you won’t with another person, it’s just about finding the right people.

That is what makes university so interesting. You’re surrounded by so many people, it is inevitable you will find someone you mesh well with!

 Don’t force or continue friendships that aren’t making you happy.  Once I started doing this I met some really lovely people and I haven’t looked back. I feel as though I have made some life-lasting friendships.

 

Your friends don’t have to be there in person to help you

 The downside about university is that you can be miles away from some of your closest friends.

To a certain extent this can be seen as a test to show you who is really there for you.

But real friends should be there for you no matter what the distance.

You have to remember that everyone has their own lives and things to get on with, but at some point during a person’s day or week, if you mean something to them, then they will make the effort.

Long-distance friendships at university can be hard, especially if you see them living the life with the friends they made super quick, whilst you’re still finding people you will connect well with.

However, if you let them know how you are feeling then they will make sure they make you feel better.

I was very fortunate to have a friend who was kind enough to Facetime me most days. We’d keep each other company by cooking our dinner together, putting the same film on, and even napping together! It was the closest we could get to being with each other and it really helped. We’d even sit in silence doing our work, it was just nice to have the company.

Something like this can brighten someone’s day up so much! It takes the edge away of the loneliness lots of people experience at university, and even though they aren’t there in person, you know they are still thinking of you.

So if you are experiencing loneliness or need someone in one way or another, this is one of the best ways to feel better. It is guaranteed to make you feel better and most likely someone on the other end of the phone too!

 

Learn to love your own company

 

Learning to love your company is all about self-care.

If you are feeling down or going through difficult times with friends or relationships then time to yourself can be really important

It takes time.

If you are someone who has always been surrounded by people it can take time to learn how to find enjoyment and peace when being alone.

University can be the perfect opportunity to learn how to do this. Being in your own company is something that occurs more as you get older, and this can be emotional as many hate the feeling of loneliness.

Lots of people do see being by yourself as sad or lonely, but really it is one of the best times to relax, get on with some work and just generally figure out how you are feeling. It is one of the best ways to become more independent and confident.

In the past I was always someone who would rely on the company of others, whether that was being with friends or spending time with a significant other. Coming to University was a big change, I moved into a flat where I didn’t know anyone, I was away from my friends and family, and went through a breakup.

The loneliness can be hard at first, especially if you experience what I experienced above. But the time alone has taught me how to be happy by myself.

Doing small things such as going out for a walk alone, going to the shops alone, or even grabbing a drink in a café with my book would all seem so daunting before.

I’m not going to lie, it still does a lot of the time.

But the more you do it the more confident you get, and it teaches you how to stop relying on others for company all the time.

I found out at university that my time alone was the best time to properly get to know myself. This was when I realised I didn’t need a big group of friends to be happy because when you’re looking from the outside of that situation, you can see why you weren’t happy in the beginning.

Being on your own teaches you how to choose your company wisely.

For instance, when I was feeling too lonely I would call up my good friend from home and we would eat dinner together over video chat. This company made me feel happy and I was appreciative that she was here for me.

I also valued the time I spent with new friends I was making. I suddenly wasn’t so eager to hang out with people till I had found others that made me feel good about myself.

Those are the people who I am now close friends with at university, and I couldn’t be more grateful.

So when it comes to self-care and loving your own company, take it in steps.

If you are struggling to get out of your flat then go for walks and increase the distance each time. This will build your confidence up.

When you are at university with time to spare then go somewhere quiet and get lost in a book. This way you are learning what you love to do by  yourself whilst also building the confidence of being alone in public.