It is fair to say that I have had a good share of friendships in my 20 years of being alive. Friendships that have made me smile, laugh, and fill me warmth.

There have also been friendships that have caused tears, upset, and stress. But there is always a good reason why these people come and go in your life.

I’ve never been a snobby person who looks down on people, I love and appreciate making new friends! Like those girls who hype you up on Insta even though you don’t know them! Props to them, they’re here trying to form some kind of empowering girl friendship- they’re the best kind of girls

But I have reached the point in my life where I’ve become content with the few good friends I have. When you reach your 20s, there is nothing worse than having to deal with people acting like they are still in school with their immature arguments and jealousy. I’m a firm believer that if they haven’t yet matured in that respect, then they never will.

So, this post is going to share to you why it is a good choice to be selective over who you are friends with, and hopefully help some of you understand that it is normal to have fewer, yet better friends as you get older.

Being selective limits the toxic people in your life

Like I’ve said in the past, I’m a firm believer that your friendships should bring something into your life. I’ve read an amazing post by my all-time favourite blogger who shared her thoughts on friendship, ‘You have different friends for different reasons’

100% true.

If I described each of my friends and how they make me happy, they would all have different descriptions. But that is what I love about them. It can be so difficult to find one friend that ticks all of the boxes, but as I’ve got older I have realised that this is not a bad thing.

Being selective of your friends allows you to see who a real genuine friend is, who can bring happiness into your life. It also limits the toxic people in your life, because you come to realise they are not meaningful to you and you don’t have time for their behaviour.

If you have read my past post on friendship and self-care at university then you will remember the hard time I had with making friends. I’m now in my second year and have come to accept that there is no point continually trying to win people over. I’m happy with those who are already in my life, and if my friendship is not good enough for them, there will be someone else that will appreciate it.

I’ve never been reluctant to making new friends, but boy it can be exhausting. It is as though some people actually go out of their way to make you feel like you are not good enough or that you aren’t funny enough (although I think I could maybe step up my banter game a bit), and that can make you question what is wrong with you.

But nothing is. I now stay away from toxic people like that, I appreciate the good friends I do have who are always there to make me feel better about these situations.

You will be able to see who is really there for you

I reckon we all have that one person in our life that will text us every now and then and tell you how much they miss you, and that they really want to meet. Yet they put zero effort in to actually seeing you, or they suddenly flake out.

I once read an article that told me that people do this because of their own insecurity.

I’ve had girls that have excluded me and made it clear they didn’t think I was ‘cool’ enough to be a part of their group. But when you show people you don’t care and move on to find better friends, they suddenly become insecure about their social status, and thus will want to act like they are interested in being friends.

These are not real friends. I guess you can call them acquaintances, but I would never rely on them.

Be discerning:  Don’t believe everything you hear. Figure out for yourself what’s important and what’s best ignored

In other words, don’t expect what you give to come back, it only leads to disappointment. That is why I am now careful with who I become close to, and it only makes me more grateful for those that are really there for me.

My friends and I are all understanding of each other’s busy lives, but I know they would be there for me at a drop of a hat and so would I for them. The best thing about my good friends is that no matter how much time we have apart because of university, nothing has changed once we are all together again.

Although you may have fewer friends, it teaches you how to spend time alone

Have you ever heard of the saying ‘Alone in a room full of people’?

It’s not a nice feeling. It’s something I’ve got used to at university, and now I’m pretty comfortable being alone and getting on with work. I guess you could say the downside to having fewer friends is not always having plans, but it makes me appreciate my time alone.

It also makes me value the time I do spend with them.

I’ve learnt how to dedicate my time alone to work, creating content, and relaxing (when I get the chance). You also don’t have to feel obliged to see people when you don’t have the time, or if you’re genuinely not in the mood and want some alone time.

If spending time alone is something you find difficult then read my post on self-care and friendship at university. It explains how I built my confidence in that respect, and why alone time is all about self-care.

Thanks for reading, feel free to share and comment your thoughts 🙂